Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
