hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
