What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
