hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
