We're facebook friends in real life
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
