I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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