Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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