come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
