Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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