i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
