I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
how does that bad decision feel?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
