I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
