i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
