i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
