I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
