So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
