The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
