is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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