SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
