a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
