My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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