matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
