dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
