i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
