Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
