John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
