Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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