god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
