But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
