did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
