I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
