nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
