She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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