Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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