one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
