I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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