We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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