I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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