If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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