eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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