I'm going to rape someone's good day.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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