I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
