shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
