that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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