You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
