3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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