just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
