ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
