Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
