You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
