we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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