I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I will pee on everything he values.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
