I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
