lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
