I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
