best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
