were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
